100 Reasons Why I’m Not A Cowgirl : How To Make Brownies With Two Broke Legs
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Decide you want to bake a little surprise treat for your family for the weekend.
Go look in your pantry and see a box of brownie mix six feet above your head. Find a yard stick and spend the next ten minutes trying to knock it down.
In the process, knock down a canister of oats, pack of salad dressing mix, several boxes of rice, and a small stack (only four or five boxes) of cake mix.
BUT the brownie mix box is resting on top of the pile. EUREKA! Grab it and turn your back on the mess in the bottom of the pantry. Hey, you have two broke legs!
Go over and place the brownie mix on the counter. Open the dishwasher which contains clean dishes but hasn’t been emptied and get a mixing bowl and a large spoon out. Place those on the counter next to the mix. Open the fridge and grab the carton of eggs, get your wheelchair stuck on the fridge door so not only will it not close, but when you turn to try to back up, it actually moves the fridge several inches from where it originally was. Get unhooked finally, close door. Ignore that it is in a different place. It might prove to be better there anyway…
Oh crud, you need the oil. Go back and get the yard stick and take a deep breath as you look up at the bottle of vegetable oil on top of the fridge and try to remember if you put the cap on good last time you used it. Say a prayer and reach up. Knock down a box of baking soda first. Take a deep breath and curse the people who make baking soda in those stupid boxes that don’t really shut as your smallest dog looks up at you covered in white powder. Go back to yard stick strategy and eventually knock the bottle of vegetable oil down, hold your breath as it seems to fall to the floor in slow motion and exhale when it finally lands with cap still on. Pick up vegetable oil.
Stir batter together.
Realize you can’t reach a 9×13 pan so grab a muffin tin instead.
Decide these would be prettier if you used muffin papers. Use the yard stick to pry open the cabinet door that houses them. Commence with yard stick strategy again, knocking down a canister of meringue powder. Curse yourself for losing the lid to the canister as a fine white powder settles down onto the counter and your clothes. Several minutes later succeed in knocking down the cupcake papers.
Spy a canister of rainbow jimmies on the shelf above them. Not one to leave good enough alone, return to highly successful yardstick strategy until those are knocked down – along with green, red, yellow, and easter sprinkles as well – most of them with their lids on. Hey, at least the counter looks festive.
Decide you need chocolate icing. Fortunately, there is a can in the pantry. Force wheelchair as far into pantry door as possible and manage to reach it with your hands. Reverse wheelchair out of pantry as several chips of paint rain down onto floor. If you only knew the walls that are going to have to be painted again after this…
Spoon brownie mix into muffin papers. Place in oven. When done, microwave chocolate icing without incident to form a glaze and spoon a bit onto each brownie. Top with sprinkles.
When husband comes home and walks into the kitchen looking as if he is about to ask if burglars broke in and ransacked the place, shove a brownie in his mouth.
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I laughed through the entire recap of your experience and the worst part is not only can I see what your kitchen looked like in my mind, but I understand the logic of making a special treat for your family and to heck with the rest.
I read this outloud to my two grown sons and they laughed along with me. I hope you are doing good and that your upcoming appointments are all aces.
My husband doesn’t have a great sense of humor, yet he laughed all the while with me as I read aloud your latest cooking adventure…funnier than any TV episode that has starred Lucy, Carol, Tina Fey, or Betty.
Ever read something that you can actually see in your head? This was it! I laughed and the more I read the more I could see you and I laughed some more. You are truly a blessing and a testimonial to GOD’s grace. CJ
Absolutely hilarious! Never say no to a determined bored woman who wants to bake something! You’re like the little red engine who went up the hill saying all the way – I think I can. I think I can. And you did it! Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I love how you write so we can visually picture exactly what is happening! You go girl! Now you need to start writing a book or just a story book about all of your experiences!
Oh my goodness! This reads like,”If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, only, it would be more like,” If You Give a Christy a Yardstick” 🙂
Keep on keepin’ on, Christie! Life in your world, these trying days are never boring….love to you and your family! xo
Chuckle..the angels hovering over your head as they bat soda boxes and oats someplace besides the top of your head as they fall want to say thank you for the baseball game they got to play. Hmmmmm, wonder who won. OK BOYS here she goes again. Let’s see who can get on first, whoa…..first base for St. Pete and the oats will be used for oatmeal cookies tomorrow. Can’t keep a good woman down! God bless, sweet dreams, healing for the legs and back to check on you tomorrow!!