100 Reasons Why I’m Not A Cowgirl – August 13

Today’s journal entry may come across as harsh and blunt. I don’t mean to be harsh but I can’t excuse the bluntness of it. You know that inner drill sergeant I talk about from time to time? Well that’s the one who wrote this.

So brace yourself, because my inner drill sergeant doesn’t dance around things like the rest of me does 🙂 

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My life right now is like an elaborate game of hot lava. Scooting around from bed to wheelchair, my feet never touching the ground, my legs never standing, If you were to watch me half the time you’d laugh and the other half you’d likely feel pity.

But I’m getting on just fine, pretty good actually. I’m acclimating, getting used to it. In some ways it has gotten easier because my arms have gotten stronger, in most ways it has gotten easier because my attitude has gotten stronger.

 

It really is a choice.
It truly is a choice.

 

A lot of people disagree with that.

 

A lot of people think they can’t possibly be happy because they’re stuck:
in a job they don’t like
in an economy that isn’t fair
in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make them happy
in a place in their life that isn’t satisfying
with a bank account that doesn’t have the numbers they want
with a skill set that doesn’t allow them the career they would like

 

So they sit there and say they’re stuck.

 

Like the man on the mat at the pool of Bethesda. Who laid there for over 30 years because no one would put him in the pool. Because no one would hand it to him. In all those 38 years he never got the gumption to drag himself to that pool.

 

Healing was right there, but he laid there instead.
We are so much like that man.

 

Don’t talk to me about being stuck today.

 

I’m stuck.

 

I can’t stand. I can’t walk. I can’t go to the bathroom without help. I can’t reach my cabinet to get a plate out. I can’t get into my pantry. I can’t go outside. I can’t get that package I’ve been anxiously waiting on that is sitting right there on my front porch as I type this. I can’t pick up  my children from school. I can barely dress myself. I can’t run to the grocery store. I can’t go beyond three rooms in my entire house. I can’t walk away from the pain. In fact, the slightest attempt to walk would make it far more excruciating.

 

In many ways, I’m stuck.

 

But by the grace of God I’m still happy.

 

And for all of the things I can’t do, there are a million more that I can!

 

And each day I get stronger, and each day my bones heal a little bit more, and each day I’m alive and breathing and here with my wonderful family!

 

And I’m so very happy right now.

 

Filled with joy, even.

 

I can’t stop smiling.

 

Because I can see beyond all of that to the blessings I do have.

 

Because we all have blessings and curses in our lives.

 

And our happiness depends on which one we decide to value the most.

 

No one is exempt just because their life appears easier than yours.

 

I’ve been there. I have spent years wrapping my problems around me like a blanket. It’s a dark and comfortable existence.

 

It took me years to unwrap myself from that.

 

To train myself to look for the rays of sun.

 

To learn to recognize their warmth and to turn towards that instead of running back to my blanket out of instinct.

 

I clawed myself out of that.

 

I’m not going back.

 

It’s time to decide. Do you want to stay wrapped up or do you want happiness bad enough to start clawing?

 

Because everyone is stuck somewhere.

 

and being stuck is only enough to keep you miserable if you decide to be.

 

To read this series, starting at the beginning, please click here. 

 

By his light I walked through darkness. ~Job 29:3

If this post left you feeling like you’d been punched in the gut,please click here to read “What I want for you.” 

 

 

To read the next post in this series, please click here. 

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68 Comments

  1. Christy, I have enjoyed your recipes for quite a while and never took the time to really get to know you. Today I took the time to read your posts and I am so glad I did. Amen to today’s post and God bless you for your honesty, candor and especially your recipes. I feel like I just met a new girlfriend.

    Speedy recover.

  2. I’ve been in that same dark place and managed to drag myself out, kicking and screaming at times. I’m a much better person for having made that journey. I also had both knees replaced at the same time several years ago and had to depend on hubs for just about everything. Hang in there girlfriend.

    1. Amen. I am so grateful every day that I have experienced depression, deep dark depression. Before that, I was really clueless as to what it was like and what other people were going through. It’s all a blessing under the Master’s plan. Both knees at the same time!? wow, you really do get it! You make me look like an amateur!

  3. Dear Christy,
    What a wonderful attitude you have. If everyone would just emulate you a little
    bit……….What a wonderful world we would have.
    Wishing you a speedy recovery & blessings always. Take Care !

  4. You are awesome! So many people need to hear this. I needed to hear this! Thank you Christy. Praying for your quick recovery 🙂

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