100 Reasons Why I’m Not A Cowgirl – August 13

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Today’s journal entry may come across as harsh and blunt. I don’t mean to be harsh but I can’t excuse the bluntness of it. You know that inner drill sergeant I talk about from time to time? Well that’s the one who wrote this.

So brace yourself, because my inner drill sergeant doesn’t dance around things like the rest of me does 🙂 


My life right now is like an elaborate game of hot lava. Scooting around from bed to wheelchair, my feet never touching the ground, my legs never standing, If you were to watch me half the time you’d laugh and the other half you’d likely feel pity.

But I’m getting on just fine, pretty good actually. I’m acclimating, getting used to it. In some ways it has gotten easier because my arms have gotten stronger, in most ways it has gotten easier because my attitude has gotten stronger.


It really is a choice.
It truly is a choice.


A lot of people disagree with that.


A lot of people think they can’t possibly be happy because they’re stuck:
in a job they don’t like
in an economy that isn’t fair
in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make them happy
in a place in their life that isn’t satisfying
with a bank account that doesn’t have the numbers they want
with a skill set that doesn’t allow them the career they would like


So they sit there and say they’re stuck.


Like the man on the mat at the pool of Bethesda. Who laid there for over 30 years because no one would put him in the pool. Because no one would hand it to him. In all those 38 years he never got the gumption to drag himself to that pool.


Healing was right there, but he laid there instead.
We are so much like that man.


Don’t talk to me about being stuck today.


I’m stuck.


I can’t stand. I can’t walk. I can’t go to the bathroom without help. I can’t reach my cabinet to get a plate out. I can’t get into my pantry. I can’t go outside. I can’t get that package I’ve been anxiously waiting on that is sitting right there on my front porch as I type this. I can’t pick up  my children from school. I can barely dress myself. I can’t run to the grocery store. I can’t go beyond three rooms in my entire house. I can’t walk away from the pain. In fact, the slightest attempt to walk would make it far more excruciating.


In many ways, I’m stuck.


But by the grace of God I’m still happy.


And for all of the things I can’t do, there are a million more that I can!


And each day I get stronger, and each day my bones heal a little bit more, and each day I’m alive and breathing and here with my wonderful family!


And I’m so very happy right now.


Filled with joy, even.


I can’t stop smiling.


Because I can see beyond all of that to the blessings I do have.


Because we all have blessings and curses in our lives.


And our happiness depends on which one we decide to value the most.


No one is exempt just because their life appears easier than yours.


I’ve been there. I have spent years wrapping my problems around me like a blanket. It’s a dark and comfortable existence.


It took me years to unwrap myself from that.


To train myself to look for the rays of sun.


To learn to recognize their warmth and to turn towards that instead of running back to my blanket out of instinct.


I clawed myself out of that.


I’m not going back.


It’s time to decide. Do you want to stay wrapped up or do you want happiness bad enough to start clawing?


Because everyone is stuck somewhere.


and being stuck is only enough to keep you miserable if you decide to be.


To read this series, starting at the beginning, please click here. 


By his light I walked through darkness. ~Job 29:3

If this post left you feeling like you’d been punched in the gut,please click here to read “What I want for you.” 



To read the next post in this series, please click here. 

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  1. Christy: I live in the panhandle of Idaho, a now retired logger. Irelate with you. In 1997 i rolled a riding lawnmower off of an embankment. I lost three fingers off of my right hand and got a knee cap chopped. I spent eleven days in the trauma center hospital in Seattle and three months in rehab. While in the hospital i kept hearing,” He’s in good spirits., i asked if in the big city if something like this happens do they say awww i won’t be able to do anything any more? I told them you can’t get a north Idaho logger down. After reading your experience i am thankful that i had one leg that still functioned. At the rehab center when it was OK for me to be up and around i would go out and walk a mile on crutches every day. Exercise.

    I pray that you have had a complete recovery without any complications.

  2. I discovered you today through a Facebook posting that included a link to your Butter Roll Dessert. I think it was the hand of God bringing me to your message at exactly the right time. Christy, I am so sorry for what you are enduring right now, but you have made me laugh and cry in the last hour and I needed both. Thanks for loaning me your inner drill sergeant. I will be back often and will be sharing your message with my Facebook game-playing friends. Most seem to be home bound or dealing with chronic illnesses like I am. We all needed to hear what you are saying. Thank you!

  3. Christy, I cannot even begin to tell you what a blessing you are and have been to me and others . Even through this painful experience, you are still the same sweet Christian girl whose faith and trust in our Lord makes my heart’s song of praise to Him sing even louder and I am so thankful that you know that he is holding your hand and is bringing you triumphantly through this with your own song of praise singing in your heart !
    You have my prayers and love. God bless and keep you and yours.

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